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I Hate Gophers!

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We used to have a couple cats.  We had no gophers.  Then the cats died within a few months of each other.  All of a sudden, we have a huge gopher problem.

The suckers were totally destroying our yard.  We have a lot of property here, but only a small 20×20 or so patch of grass that is our “yard.”  The gopher holes were trashing it.  The gophers were eating my dad’s rose bushes, they killed the oleanders.  Just about everything really.

Then Bob had the idea of tearing the entire yard out.  He was to lay down aviary wire (thick chicken wire) so that the gophers couldn’t burrow into the yard.  It sounded like a great idea.  He spent an entire weekend working his ass off to pull the dirt out, lay down the wire and then replace and replant the grass.

For two weeks I water this plot of dirt waiting for the grass to grow.  Stupid freaking grass is not growing.

I go out side about a week ago to see a god damn gopher head popping up in the middle of my yard!  I see red.  I am pissed.  I go back into the house, call my husband at work and say, “where’s the gun?!”  We have a bee-bee gun that DH has been using to “hunt” gophers.  We actually laugh at him out there with his Coors Light and his bee bee gun shooting at gophers.  But today, I wanted the gun.  I have never wanted to shoot anything before, ever.  And, I wanted to come tell you all this story but it was the middle of Earth Week and my blog had gone a bit crunchy and didn’t think a hunting story would be appropriate.  LOL

So I get a few shots off at this stupid gopher.  I don’t shoot.  I think I shot at it 10 freaking times.  It just kept sticking it’s head back out the hole.  I know he was laughing at me.  Bastard.

Everyone got a good laugh out of it.  “Rhea out in the yard in her pajamas shooting at gophers, what would the neighbors think?”

Then my dad brought home some non-toxic gopher repellent.  Supposedly, you sprinkle it in your yard and they don’t like the smell so they go away.  Yeah, that shit doesn’t work.

This morning I went outside and see this:

It’s been more than 3 weeks since we re-panted our new “gopher proof” yard.  As you can see….still have gophers.  Still have no grass.

This afternoon when I went outside to check on the boys, there was that gopher.  Sticking his head up through my yard, laughing at me.  I went over and started stomping on his hole and tunnels.  I was hoping I would squish his scurvy little head.  Afterward I thought I was lucky that the bastard didn’t bite me in the foot and give me rabies or something.

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Comments

  1. I wouldn’t even recognize a gopher if I saw one but you cracked me up. The image of you in your jammies shooting randomly at laughing gophers is HYSTERICAL

  2. I’m sorry but I’m over dying from laughter. My husband would probably go insane if there was a gopher in our yard, especially with the mound I see he left in your yard.

    Did you use a slit-seeder to plant your grass seed? And give the seeds lots of daily water? It’s key to get that grass seed about 1/2 – 1 inch deep into the soil.

  3. OMG that is the funniest thing ever. I’m sorry I just can’t stop laughing.

  4. Sorry for all the gopher drama,but I just wanted to say that this made me laugh (sorry it was at your yard’s exense though!)

  5. ROFL! I cant stop laughing! I hate to kill things but I would have had it and probably been out there in my jammies shooting too. LOL I would have loved this on video.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] side of our property carrying a gopher.  We all cheered for her!  I’ve written about our gophers before and how they are a huge problem and I detest [...]

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