grandmaThis is my beautiful 93 year old Grandma.  I spent the last hour looking through files and files and files of digital pictures to try and find a nice picture of her, and this was the best I could do.  Now that is a darn shame!  Because I don’t know if my Grandma is going to be around much longer.

My Grandma doesn’t know if she’ll be around either.

It seems the doctors found a mass in her intestines.  But we will never know what it is because she is refusing tests and treatment.

I can almost understand refusing treatments, if it’s going to be painful or drawn out.  Especially at her age.  But to refuse diagnostic tests is so frustrating for us, her family.  So we don’t know if this is something simple and treatable or if it’s something that is going to kill her.  And is it going to kill her slowly or fast?  We don’t know.

My Grandma is amazing.  She is strong.  She outdoes everyone in our family.  Her mother lived to a hundred and something!  She is active in her Church and has so many friends.  She is a breast cancer survivor.  She still wears high heel shoes!

I worry about my Grandma.  I worry about my dad who is not ready to lose her.  I guess no child is ever ready to lose a parent.  But everyone feels so helpless because we don’t know what to expect.

My Grandma is ready to meet her Maker.  She told me once that she wondered why younger people would die when they were not ready and here she was ready and waiting to go, but Jesus wouldn’t take her.  I think this frustrated her.  I know it’s why she doesn’t want to fight.  She is tired.  She loves the Lord and is ready to go be with him.  To be with her late husband and her oldest son.

But it got me thinking.  Would you want to know if you were dying?  Or are you okay with the unknown?  I don’t know that I could just sit by waiting and wondering.  But I haven’t lived 93 long years either.

God Bless you Grandma.  I hope whatever happens does not cause you any pain.  I hope (know) you are at peace with your decision.  Now I need to get some better pictures of you…