Yesterday I asked for help picking out an outfit to wear in New York.
Today, I started out this post as a “hey, look what I bought at Lane Bryant, isn’t it cute?”
Then I decided to get fancy and take a picture of myself in my new outfit to share. And now I can’t stop crying.
How did I allow myself to get SO big? I tell myself “I’m healthy.” I tell myself “I’m normal.” I tell myself “I’m not that big.”
Heck, I really am pretty darn healthy. No high blood pressure, no diabetes, nothing. I’m always cleared for surrogacy because I am so healthy. But sadly, I am that big and I realized it today in the dressing room of Lane Bryant.
I tried on so many clothes. Skirts and shirts and dresses. I wanted something cute and fashionable to wear in NYC. Nothing fit. Nothing looked cute or fashionable.
I almost started to cry in the dressing room.
Then my mom brought me this dress. I remembered seeing it online and it was a similar style to that purple sweater dress thing that I liked. So I tried it on.
OH, it was comfortable! It doesn’t look so bad. Throw on a pair of Spanx. That will fix it up.
I think I was just so relieved that I found something that fit and was comfortable and affordable ($12!). I found some cute red shoes, a new slimming bra and leggings. All set.
I came home with my purchase. I decided to put it on so I could show my husband and take a picture to post for you all to admire.
My husband says “that looks fine.”
Then I get my camera and shoot a couple shots.
Oh God! I look terrible!!! I am just a big fat fucking cow and am going to look ridiculous in New York City.
Great, now I am crying again.
Here is the picture of my new outfit. I’m sorry it is blurry. I couldn’t stand to take more pictures of myself. You are lucky I am even smiling. I would tell you to be honest, but I don’t know if I could take it. So lie to me and tell me it looks great because right now I am ready to not go to NYC.