Yesterday I asked for help picking out an outfit to wear in New York.  

Today, I started out this post as a “hey, look what I bought at Lane Bryant, isn’t it cute?”

2353514Only, it’s black and not blue.

Then I decided to get fancy and take a picture of myself in my new outfit to share.  And now I can’t stop crying.

How did I allow myself to get SO big?  I tell myself “I’m healthy.”  I tell myself “I’m normal.”  I tell myself “I’m not that big.”

Heck, I really am pretty darn healthy.  No high blood pressure, no diabetes, nothing.  I’m always cleared for surrogacy because I am so healthy.  But sadly, I am that big and I realized it today in the dressing room of Lane Bryant.

I tried on so many clothes.  Skirts and shirts and dresses.  I wanted something cute and fashionable to wear in NYC.  Nothing fit.  Nothing looked cute or fashionable.


I almost started to cry in the dressing room.

Then my mom brought me this dress.  I remembered seeing it online and it was a similar style to that purple sweater dress thing that I liked.  So I tried it on.

OH, it was comfortable!  It doesn’t look so bad.  Throw on a pair of Spanx.  That will fix it up.

I think I was just so relieved that I found something that fit and was comfortable and affordable ($12!).  I found some cute red shoes, a new slimming bra and leggings.  All set.

I came home with my purchase.  I decided to put it on so I could show my husband and take a picture to post for you all to admire.


My husband says “that looks fine.”


Then I get my camera and shoot a couple shots.

Oh God!  I look terrible!!!  I am just a big fat fucking cow and am going to look ridiculous in New York City.

Great, now I am crying again.

Here is the picture of my new outfit.  I’m sorry it is blurry.  I couldn’t stand to take more pictures of myself.  You are lucky I am even smiling.  I would tell you to be honest, but I don’t know if I could take it.  So lie to me and tell me it looks great because right now I am ready to not go to NYC.