I’m an emotional eater. I get stressed, sad, angry or discouraged and I eat. I’ve pretty much been on some sort of diet my entire adult life. I do pretty good for a couple weeks and I might lose a few pounds. Heck, I might lose a lot of pounds. But then something will happen and it will all fall apart. Something like I’ll have a fight with my husband, or my kids will be particularly big assholes, or I step on the scale and don’t see an improvement.
I’ll get sad or angry and because I don’t generally keep snacks in my house (for fear of eating them), I’ll bake. I really enjoy baking! I really enjoy eating my baked goods, too.
I know I should go in and eat a carrot, but when I’m mad I don’t want a stupid carrot. I want an ooey gooey chocolate and caramel cookie. Or ten.
Last year I decided to participate in the Susan G. Komen3 Day for the Cure. I had several reasons for wanting to walk, one of them being that I was bound to lose weight. Right? I mean, training for a 60 mile walk, one has to lose weight. Right? Right?
Well, guess what? I broke my foot. Do you know why I broke my foot? Because I was a fat girl trying to exercise!
Stress fracture. Too much walking, too soon, too fat. Talk about cupcake inducing depression.
I did complete the 3 Day walk (in a cast). I walked all but 10 miles on a very rainy day. I trained and walked even with a broken foot. Did I lose any weight? Nope. Not a single freaking pound. And even though I am extremely proud of what I accomplished, I was still discouraged by my lack of weight loss.
The walk has passed. I can’t wait to do it again this year! I’m still waiting for this stress fracture to heal. I’m still trying to watch my calories. I’m still fat.
So, my doctor suggested that I find a way to exercise that is low/no impact. This way I can get exercising without hurting my foot. I have friends with elliptical machines and they love them, so I started shopping Craigslist. There were several for around $150. So my mom gave me cash for my birthday so I could buy one. YAY mom! But as I started really researching the machines I was finding the same problem over and over again. These cheap elliptical machines wouldn’t support my weight.
Here I am. Too fat to walk. Too fat for an affordable elliptical machine (I can’t afford a $1000 machine!). And I want a cupcake.
This, my friends, is why fat people stay fat. You may think that we are weak or that we have no motivation. Trust me, getting kicked off the roller coaster because you’re too big IS motivation! People think that we get weight loss surgery because it is “easy.” But that isn’t true either. Fat people go shopping for weight loss equipment but can’t afford the heavyweight machines. We try to start walking and make goals to even start running, but then our own feet can’t support our weight. This is all very discouraging for me.
I want a cupcake.