This is the post where I get all TMI about my boys poop and embarrass them for the rest of their lives.  Just a little fair warning before you read too far.

I don’t remember teaching Anthony how to wipe his butt.  I mean, I know I must have showed him and helped him.  But I don’t remember it being a big deal.  He had no problems.

Gabriel potty trained at 18 months.  He has always had hard little compact poops and he’s always been able to clean up after himself.  So after the first little instructional period, he’s been on his own.

Nathan is my fruit eater (all.day.long.) and his poops have always been a lot more voluminous (can I describe poop the same way I describe hair?) and messy.  He has never been able to wipe his own ass without making a huge mess.  So I do it for him.

Now, Gabriel recently had some issues.  I’m pretty sure it is his lack of fruits and vegetables that makes for his firm, easy to clean poops.  But a couple weeks ago, it hurt.  Something got stuck, perhaps it was too big.  Something.  This caused several days of him holding his potty.  I almost thought we were going to take a trip to the urgent care.  He woke up white and clammy and grabbing his tummy.  I knew it was hurting him!  But he would NOT go.

I busted out the laxatives and called the doctor.

Apparently, this is pretty normal for kids.  Sometimes their poops come out a little hard and it hurts.  It happens to the best of us.  So we put him on a regimen of  stool softener (2 tsp of Miralax every morning) and the doctor told me after a month or so, the pain would be a distant memory and things should go back to normal.

For several weeks now though, he is still very apprehensive to even go to the bathroom alone.  I’ve had to go with him.  He won’t even pull down his britches and sit down unless I am there.  He is still very much afraid.  And because he’s on stool softeners, he has poops much like his brother…soft, squishy and very messy.

So, all of this back-story and awesome poop talk has really been for one question.  How do you get two five year olds to wipe their own buttsand do it right?? They have really messy poop.  When they try to wipe, they just get crap all over themselves and the toilet.  It’s quite disgusting!  I’m filling out kindergarten packets on boys that can’t possibly go off to kindergarten and use the potty independently.

I’ve tried giving them the paper and encouraging them to do the wiping, but they are awful at it!  What are the butt wiping tricks?

PS.  You totally know you are a mommy when you talk about your kids poop with the entire world and don’t really think much of it.  I mean…everyone poops.